Thoughts That Were Too Late
by Dawn96
Summary: Narcissa thinks about a certain person in her family. She thinks about her feelings towards him, but those feelings are too late to ponder about.


** Thoughts That Were Too Late**  
**A/N: This fic just popped into my head and i started writing it...I know it's like an almost impossible couple and to tell the truth, i'm not such a fan of this ship or fluffy, romantic stuff, but, oh well, i couldn't help but write it. Pls tell me how you think! **

She loved him.

That was all there was to it. She loved him, and she still did. That was all there was to it. But, her love was too late. Very late. Late to a standard that her love would be impossible. She sat on her grand bed of silks waiting for Lucius to come back from his late shift in the ministry. She was dressed in a night dress of pearly white with her hair tied up leaving a few strands to fall on her face and tickle her neck and shoulder.  
She was married to Lucius Malfoy for a year to be exact, and the fact that they still didn't have a child was a bit of a depression since there was no heir to the Malfoys and their fortune yet.

Lucius wasn't the most romantic of people. He was stiff and formal and cold in lots of ways. He showed her love in luxury and money but, that was not what she wanted. He still addressed her as 'my wife' at balls or formal dances, or as 'Mrs. Malfoy' as if she wasn't an important part. Just a woman who will one day bore him an heir. She sometimes regretted her love and marriage towards him, but, as a woman of the Black Family, and as an arranged marriage to him, she had to be silent, since her marriage was for the purity of their blood. But, _ he _ was pure. He was the purest that can be. His blood was pure, his mind was pure, his heart was pure. Him. Regulus. Her little, baby cousin.

She wondered about him. She saw him often and dinners and dances or when he came to visit her. He was still the same. He never did change. The only thing that did change was his appearance and voice, but he, himself, was still the same. He was still this innocent, young boy. This poor soul. This pure and clean child. She loved him. It took her time. She battled with herself before. She thought that she couldn't and she tried to lie to herself telling her that she was loving him as he brother, but, now that she was a married woman she convinces herself that it was_ love_. It was that love that should've been towards Lucius.

They never were close when they were little. She used to stick with her mother, Druella, and act formal and polite and more like a lady than she had to. She often walked out in the gardens and spotted him playing with the flowers, alone. He was always lonely. She tried to get close to him, but he often pulled away. But, then, they started to get closer until they were always together. He began to confide in her and tell her his secrets since Sirius had forgotten about him with Hogwarts.  
He told her about his problems and feelings and she tried to help. But he never wanted her help.

"I dont want to cause you trouble. Its enough that I'm telling you these things"

They grew up and grew closer. He took her to first dance in the formal balls and sat next to her at dinners joking about the way their relatives looked or acted making her giggle. Then, she ran away. Andromeda. She found him holding her while she cried on how Andromeda had stormed out the house for a Mudblood and how Bellatrix and her parents were frightening that it petrified her.

She remembers how he hugged her. His body was warm, and although he was skinny, it was strong and protective. His hands were like soft snow-flakes that were kissing her skin. He smelled like some kind of flowers mixed with a sweet odor. His breathe was warm as it pressed up on as he spoke soothing words. His voice was soft and it floated softly to her ear. _ Unlike Lucius's cold and silky voice that made anyone freeze. _

Then, it was her turn. He came to her with red eyes and a pale face. A very pale face. Plus, he had scars on his arms. She found out that Sirius ran away and went to that blood-traitor Potter. He was distraught and miserable and stressed. She touched his once clear arms to find scars. Knife wounds. He had hurt himself to resolve the stress. Self-harm.  
He told her, more like yelled at her about the family. How they were expecting everything from him. She knew that he was already wilting away. Her rose was wilting. They threw the family matters on his shoulders being the heir and the scandal of his brother on him. They expected him to be a Death Eater, like Bellatrix. They wanted him to be a killer.

He looked deranged and mad. His hands were pulling his hair and his eyes had this mad glint that she had never seen. He had changed. He changed from innocent to broken. He was broken as he cried on her shoulder. She hugged him holding his tensed shoulders and brushing his silky, willowy hair. She felt him more and more as his heart was beating against her chest. She tried to forget those feelings. She was arranged to be married after leaving Hogwarts, she couldn't love him. She thought that it was just some feeling of sympathy for her 'brother'. But, day and night she thought to find her heart calling for him.

He came to her more and more and he held her more and more. It was as though he loved her. He sometimes slowly slung his arm around her. He hugged her more often and sometime playing with her hair. Then, she got married.  
At her wedding, he congratulated her. Told her he was happy for her and wished her a great life with Lucius. But, in his smile, she saw the he forced himself to smile. His eyes, were depressed. They were as though he lost something. He lost _ her_.

He then got it. The Dark Mark. It was planted on his arm. That disgusting mark that held her husband and Bellatrix and now, him. He became more stressed and tensed. His eyes were hollow and he was paler. He was sick. His soul was sick. His heart was so, so sick. She felt sick for him. He was in school. He just entered his sixteen's and he had just finished his OWL year. She hadn't seen him since Easter. When he came back for school, he looked worse. He tried to hide it, and he hid it well. But, she could still see the stress and disappointment in his eyes. She saw the was he always jolted whenever someone spoke to him, or when they touched him and served him something. She saw the way he always stroked his arm in regret or the way his smile was always wincing or forced. She saw everything.

He came to her once, after a mission- his first mission. Bellatrix was there with him, her husband and brother-in-law, Rabastan,. Dolohov and his fried, Barty Crouch. She saw pure horror in his eyes when he spoke- when he came back shaking from head-to-toe covered in ash and mud. Bellatrix had killed people restlessly. It was as though she loved it. Dolohov slaughtered the children and Rodulphos and Rabastan were like living devils. Barty, he said that name in pain. Barty tortured as well. His own friend. He told her how he saw that mad glint of revenge in his eyes. But he, he couldn't kill. He was forced to kill that muggle woman, but he didn't. He made her flee and lied telling them he had killed her. He never killed. He was too young and too fragile and- and too innocent. He didn't deserve this.

They were together- alone- once, when he visited. In the upstairs living room where he was on the sofa next to her. They were talking. Just talking about simple things... about life and how his schooling was going and his grades and classes. She had started a conversation while he listened intently. He seemed lost in thought while he was just staring at her. Then he asked her

"Kiss me."

She stared at him. She was married and he asks her that. Five seconds after he said that his eyes widened and he slapped his hand over his mouth. He apologized for saying that and stood up and turned to leave. She felt her self stand and the next thing she knew, her lips were planted on his. She felt them so soft and welcoming. His hands were so light that she rarely felt them holding onto her back. His fingers were like feathers as they brushed her skin from her low-back dress. The other was gently wrapped on her neck, deepening them.  
The way his touch made her appeal and want. The way they were slowly trickling on her back and neck. It amazed her.

Then, he backed away violently throwing himself on to the wall. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open in shock of what he had done. He closed his eyes on guilt and regret. He whispered an apology and ran away. He ran away from her. From them.

She hadn't seen him since then. He never showed up anymore and the more she asked about him, the more Lucius got suspicious about their relationship. She insisted that it was just a sibling kind of relationship that seemed to ease him a bit. She felt guilty. She felt even dirtier as she looked at Lucius. She felt worse and worse and worse. She-

Her current thought were interrupted as Lucius had entered the room. He was tired and clearly irritated.

"Darling, is something the matter?" Narcissa stood up as she made her way to her husband.

Lucius glared at her, then heavily sat on a arm-chair and had his head in his hand muttering things that she couldn't hear.

"What?"

"Him! Do you know what he did! Do you?" he yelled.

It was rare for Lucius to shout. He would usually talk in a firm and cold and dead-calm whisper that made her blood freeze.

"W-Who's he?" she trembled.

Lucius being angry was never a good thing.

"Him! Your darling cousin, Regulus," he hissed sarcastically, in anger and rage.

Her eyes widened. What happened to Regulus? She hoped nothing bad would happen.

"As we thought, darn blood-traitor! Good riddance!" he yelled.

What? Did he actually mean? NO! He can't! He said riddance Being in The Cause, you could easily believe anyone could could

"Lucius, L-Lucius, he isn't- he isn't, d-d-de-"

"Yes! His is Narcissa! He is dead! Good Riddance. He betrayed us! All of us. The Dark Lord, dear Regulus had done something to him, and the Dark Lord is furious! It was an extreme fault! He almost caused a downfall to the Dark Lord! And as we should say, good riddance! He never was needed. All he did- just like that bloody brother of his! What did we expect?!"

She couldn't believe it. Lucius was happy about it. He was actually happy. Happy that her only companion, her only friend was gone. Happy that she was alone. She didn't care anymore. She forgot about being a Black, she forgot about being Mistress of the Malfoys. She screamed. She cried. She slapped her self in misery and pain and and guilt. It was her fault. She broke him more and more even though he was already broken. She felt it was her fault he died. He didn't even say goodbye. Was it that bad? Did she cause him that much pain that he couldn't even meet her before he would leave- for good? Lucius tried to hold but she didn't let him. She kept up her trashing to relieve herself from everything.

"Wheres his body! Where! Where!" She screamed as she finished throwing the vase on the floor.

"Dont bother. I heard the Dark Lord whispering about Inferi."

She stared. She just couldn't believe it. Regulus. Her Regulus. Innocent, broken, young Regulus was dead. Dead, being drowned by dead bodies. Regulus. A boy who didn't even finish school. A boy who was close to finishing his sixth year. After just one year of joining, he died. He was gone. He was nothing but Inferi. He was now a puppet. His body was a puppet. How did Sirius take it? Does Sirius even know?

Then, an owl swooped into her trashed room. She snatched the letter and tore it open savagely.

It was Sirius's scrawny handwriting.

_ Regulus is dead. _

That was all there was. All there was. Those three words and dried blotches of what seemed to be the stain of tears on the paper. That wasn't fair. Three words would simply explain Regulus's death. Was that all? WAS IT?

She broke into another crying fit. She couldn't bare it. She didn't even say goodbye. He didn't even say goodbye. The last thing he told her was 'I'm Sorry'. He said that while he should have never said it. She was the one who had to tell him that. She was despicable. She felt disgusted with herself.

For nights she couldn't sleep. She locked herself in her room for a few days wanting to be alone. Lucius had slipped her a Sleeping Draught so she can sleep and she had. No matter how much she didn't want to, she slept. She dreamt of nothing at first. She saw blankness. Then, it was him. He was wearing white clothes that made him glow. There was a soft breeze that she couldn't feel, but it was blowing his hair softly. He looked different than he had in life. He wasn't stressed or tensed or angry, no. he was- he was relaxed. He smiled at her. Just smiled and he was just looking at her. He was expecting something. She knew it. He always bit his lip softly whenever he was expecting something. He was expecting her to say something or do something or- or anything.

She woke up and cried. That carried on that way for nights. She dreamt and woke up and cried. Lucius was beginning to get worried and she told him to drop it saying it was just so much stress. But it wasn't. He was haunting her but, why was he smiling? Should she say something, or do something? Then, she got pregnant. She got the feeling that she would be a horrible mother. How could she not? She lost so many people special to her. She lost Andromeda, her sister. She lost Sirius, her cousin. She lost Regulus, her best friend.

She didn't dream of him then, it stopped suddenly. She felt a bit relieved that she wouldn't be washed it guilt every time she saw him. That thought, made her feel dirtier. Then, she was giving birth. It was painful but worth it. She had a son. A perfect, handsome son. She held him in the hospital while Lucius was gone to have a few words with the doctor. Her little boy was in a perfect state, but he still didn't have a name. They still didn't decide. But then, she saw him and she wasn't sleeping. She was holding her baby in her arms and he was right there, standing across her with a smile on his pretty features. She gasped and held herself not to scream. He gave a few steps then kept walking towards her. He peered at her boy and smiled wider. He was glowing. It was as though he was a light but wasn't there. It was as though he was empty but full. She stared at him. At his eyes, his beautiful grey eyes. He hated his eyes, but they made him special. He was about the only Black with grey eyes not black.

"I'm with him, Cissy."

Was all he said. She almost forgot what his voice was like. She longed for it. Tears pooled out of her eyes as she tried to smile at him but couldn't.

"G-Goodbye," she squeaked in a watery voice.

His smile widened. "I'll wait. For Sirius and you it's not goodbye."

He stared to fade. To ripple away, to vanish. Her boy opened his eyes. She stared at them and her eyes widened. She cried more. His eyes. Her son's eyes. She couldn't believe it!

"What's wrong, Narcissa?" Lucius rushed to her side.

He saw his son's face then back at his wife.

"Reggie's eyes," she whispered.

They were Reggie's eyes. Her eyes were blue and Lucius was black. They were Reggie's eyes. Same shape and colour and- and everything.

"Regulus. Call him Regulus. Name him Regulus. Please." She pleaded.

"No."

She begged and he refused. They then agreed on Draco, for Lucius' grandfather but she had insisted on his middle name to be Regulus, but, she couldn't have that as well. After all, it was tradition to name the eldest son with the father's name to be his middle name. Draco Lucius Malfoy, that became his name. Later, that night, she woke up to Draco's crying. She stood and made her way to his cot. But, before she could even stand, Draco was already quiet. Regulus was standing over of him playing with his tiny fingers while whispering soothing words. She just stared. Just stared. That was all.

After that she never saw him again. That was their last meeting. He never came back and she never saw him. She never knew why but she waited. Because he was. She raised her son and knew not to worry. Because he was with him. He promised her. And he always kept his promises. Always.

**A/n: The ending wasn't so good in my opinion, anyways- pls Review!**


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